Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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