guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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