where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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