yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
