its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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