Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
