you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
