question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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