The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
