The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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