I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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