I can tuck mytits in my pants
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
