Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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