It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize