Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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