i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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