He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
