he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
