JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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