They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
