i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
