"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
