I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
