I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
