I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
