So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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