He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
