I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
