I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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