i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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