I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
