tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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