Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
