I like to think it a success when the cops are called
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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