11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
