like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize