Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
