The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
