Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
