My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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