"it" just moved
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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