she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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