remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize