He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
