next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
