I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
