i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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