glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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