it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My bed smells like the plague
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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