You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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