Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
