margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
