just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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