called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
