I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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