Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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