"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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