We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
