no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone came in the potted fern
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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