She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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