i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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