In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
