His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
