so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
